‘But what does George Glass think?’

I didn’t watch the Oscars telecast because I genuinely do not care who wins best actor or actress or cinematographer or Best Boy* or Grip,**but I do care about pretty dresses and Tilda Swinton, so I read the various liveblogs with relish while I was meant to be working on the completion of my research higher degree. So here it is, the Good, the Eh and the OMG I Want To Be You So Bad

* I don’t know what a Best Boy is, but I can tell you I want one.

** I also don’t know what a grip is but I could sure use – LAME JOKE ABORT.

The Good


Remember that topless Annie Liebovitz portrait of Miley Cyrus from Vanity Fair that had everyone in an uproar? I totally adored it. I thought Miley looked other-worldly, Vermeer-like, which is an odd thing to say for a Disney starlet. I also adore everything about this look. Her makeup is soft and barely there, hair sideparted and positively relaxed, she’s really just letting this incredible dress do the talking. And what a dress! People have been bitching about the belt, but I think the belt makes the whole thing young, regal and just a bit different. Hands-down the best of the night.


HOLY CATS MARISA TOMEI! This Versace dress is positively magisterial, and her sideswept hair and defined yet discreet make up compliment it perfectly. I adore the hair, the shape, the endless pleating, everything.

taraji-henson-2009-oscars-07I had to Google Taraji P. Hensen to learn that she was in Forrest Gump II, but aside from that I kind of want to be her. The girls at Jezebel have a total crush on her and her classic, elegant style, and so do I. I love the smokey eye with this filmy, layered dress. It’s dramatic but not overpowering in a way that makes me want to bust out the eyeliner.

The Eh

6a00d8341c873353ef01127906017728a4-800wiListen, I love Amy Adams, but that weird pleaty drapey thing in the centre of this dress is just… eh. It looks like someone pinned it up strangely to hem the skirt then forgot to unpin it. Amy is still radiant, though. Viva la palegirls!

freidapinto_oscars_220209Oh, Freida, you are radiantly, stunningly, unfairly beautiful, and this rather dated, slightly frumpy blue number does nothing for you.

The OMG I Want To Be You So Bad


Sophia Loren. SOPHIA MOTHERCHUCKING LOREN. If I am lucky this is a vision of me in 40 years time swanning about the house on a Tuesday in my costume from Gone With The Wind On Ice, gesturing grandly with a martini glass and harrassing my Best Boy.


SWINTON. When I was in uni a friend of mine made a flash animation called ‘The Lonely Skeleton,’ where a crudely drawn skeleton danced briefly then shrieked ‘I do what I want!’ That’s the first thing that pops into my head when I see my beloved SWINTON. She does what she wants. She has two lovers, she never wears mascara, she wears Lanvin as though it were a pair of worn out flannel PJs, I LOVE HER.


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Filed under Celebrities, opinions - I has them

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